don't call me "dude". unless you're a man, but only an intersexed ftm.
all other men must call me "mate" or "buddy". since i have a feeling of rugged comraderie for those fellows
women may address me as "friend" as i am particularlly shy around those ones
unless they are from sweden, if such a thing were to happen "bekant" would be acceptable but if they do so they must address me as "ambassador" every second instance of their greeting me, this rule is unbreakable and holds for life once "bekant" has been uttered
if the swedish girl is BLONDE then they may call me "kamrad" and the rule above is extended to every THIRD hello
if they are SANDY they may address me as whatever they like unless it is a generally unfriendly sort of secret. the "ambassador" rule does not hold in this instance
mormons may call me "sweetheart" or "washcloth" but only on the second thursday of every month because that is probably a mormon holiday and in the instance the must call ne "your highness"
if you call me the *S*E*C*R*E*T* *P*H*R*A*S*E* you will be the recipient of a fabulous voucher worth $200 in your local beauty parlour. no to be sold, cash value of voucher is 0.005c.
if anyone at any point calls me "bint" then they must collect 50 pretend monies and not pass "go"