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View Full Version : Making my own animated movie, advise on making it good



Ayame
04-03-2002, 05:40 PM
I've been working on my own anime style movie. I'm making it with the help of some friends. I'm not going to publish or sell it or anything, I would just like to make it good! :D

Well, I was wondering if anyone can give me some advise on what I could do to make it a good movie.

So far, I have 120 page script and several characters. I would love to have other's opinions or just talk about my and any of your stories.

Zemlock
04-03-2002, 05:46 PM
Well...make it original, no FF, no feudal Japan, no medieval fantasy..so on, something new. Everybody loves new things.

I made my own story a while ago..I still have it, I can show you if you're interested. Post apocalyptic Earth, BUT.. I made it before I've ever heard of Fallout so its original in its own sense.. not compared to anything else though.

ultima_trev
04-03-2002, 05:50 PM
I'm trying to make my own Anime-style series. Good luck to you, and any other amature who wants to make something like us Otakus.

Ayame
04-03-2002, 05:54 PM
I am. My story is about another world and the reincarnants of that worlds gods stopping an evil god from destroying the universe.

Atom
04-05-2002, 12:46 AM
medieval fantasy anime is actually pretty friggin rare. compared to the overwhelming amount of everything else

anyways, as long as you have really solid characters that people can identify with, and a story thats not over cliched, makes the viewer feel good (but not at the expence of having it be too predictable or formulaic), and gets its point across.

Basically, as long as you have a totally solid story with totally solid characters that people really care for, everything else can come secondary.

Post the script somewhere. I'll read it and make some comments.

BTW, I too am planning on doing an anime-style movie. What are you guys gonna be using. All cell animation?

Omega Flare
04-05-2002, 08:40 AM
I think it is cool that yoo are making your own movie,. it would be cool if you make it a bit like the x-men. I just love the x-men. I'm trying to master that drawingstyle, and the story is the bomb. you should at some mayor battlescenes where you can see there blast( if they can blast with something) from a distence and that there blast is growing out of the picture, get wat I mean. well, succes with the movie and I hope it is going to be cool.

Lunchbox McGillicuddy
04-06-2002, 11:05 AM
You want to focus on your story, make sure it's compelling, let others read it, get their thoughts on it, make sure it'll hold on to the viewer and keep on holding them until the end.
Try to stay away from too many cliche and typical events in your story...

Try to establish very strong characteristics among your central characters and try to have their individual personalities distinct, you don't want 10 versions of the same person.. and then use those differences to make interesting dialogue between them, they have to play off of each other...You have to make them characters people will feel for, be it they care or they hate, anything but NOT caring is a good thing....

Don't have too many characters, then you can't put any good focus on all of them... you don't need all kinds of characters to have just to be thrown around or die or stand there etc, if you want some real drama, have stuff happen with the main characters.....

and as for the looks, make sure the backgrounds are as realistic and intricate as they can be, and don't dumb up the characters so much that they look out of place against the backgrounds.

Try to also make sure some of the characters look distinctly different from anyone else, this is hard sometimes, but just try...

This is the best advice I can give you, I hope it helps a little....

Atom had some good words as well....

Ayame
04-06-2002, 12:40 PM
Well, I've been discussing my story with as many people as possible. Some say that certain scenes are a little violent and many people who read it ask me why the main characters Deidra (she goes by her mother's name Rose) and her best friend (really love but they can't admitt it to one another) Hiro*

* (Most of the names are in the development stage. I chose them so I could work out how they would act and what names would fit them after I distinquished their personnalities)

I have four main mortal characters and two die later in the story. I planned this for a slightly romantic afftect between the two of them. One leaves the story due to injury.

The other four characters are reincarnated gods. Two don't enter till later in the story.

The narrator is a 12 year old girl named Lena. She is an orphan who is searching for her parents with her compainion Tyo. He is only around 10, but is rather serious for his age. He is also an orphan, who lost his parents during a battle in the South Western Part of Adelle. (Adelle is the name of the continent they are on in the begining)

Lena is an average pickpocket. Not a very good one though. The only way she gets away with anything is through Tyo's help. Tyo has the ability to see the future and view people's memories. He is also blind! Tyo is a normal humanoid child while Lena is a Vile Daemon.

Rose and Hiro are the average bounty hunter, body guard, revenge wanting 17 year olds. At the age of 5, their entire town was destroyed by a group of people known as the Vile daemons. They were sacraficed to their gods Akuji and Esben. After the attack, Hiro and Rose were found by a casino owner on an island devoted to gambling. He raised them, fulled their thirst for revenge with rigerous training and killing for him.

Later, after a violent meeting and some hair cutting, they join forces to look for Vile Island. It is the home to, what Tyo states, Lena's parents and where Hiro and Rose wish to carry out their revenge.

If this story would be looked at from a game point of view, the story is actually told through a secondary character. This caused some confusion with my friends reading the early pages. They story is actually carried on the back of Hiro and Rose but Lena is the one telling the story.

These are my main characters. The rest are just appear every so often in the story such as Didier, a young female engineer who grew up on a prison island and wants to be a boy, who leaves the story due to having her legs cut of.

Their are battle like scenes in my story. Each character almost seems from a different time. Hiro deals with swords in the traditional sense. Rose has a hooked sword, she has a lot of unreleased anger. Lena uses short daggers in the begining of the story but by the end she used powerful magic like attacks. Didier attacks with the use of Kael, her self made robot battle armor which almost causes her to have a split personnality (Kael has a male voice and she will not answer to Didier while in him).
Other characters, such as the comedic Feona fight with gloves lined with hooks. Tyo doesn't fight, he's more of the back up if anything goes wrong. Most of the battle scenes include the use of missles and airborne help.

Well, that's more or less, the first 4 pages of my story. Becide what I've stated, there are other important parts to my story including the gods and Vile, but they don't come into play until much later in the story.

What do you think so far? It's still under construction so please, give your opinions and comments.

Zachron
04-06-2002, 04:04 PM
Okay. You either need a samurai, or a an insane moron who thinks he's a samurai. (The preceeding is a joke, unless reading this has suddenly inspired you to come up with something.)

I honestly suggest you avoid using samurai or ninjas. Sure you can have some equivalent of some sort, but the moment you refer to something as samuri or ninja, your setting will lose a small amount of originality. As long as your setting is completely original, you should keep it that way.

What I'm really going to suggest here is to have one character that is totally out of place in the setting. By that I mean looking at the limitations that you have given to your setting, assuming that everything that hasn't been clearly indicated not to exist can exist, and creating a character that is so different, so out of place, that if he or she was even slightly more out of place then his or her existence would be an impossibility in your setting. In other words, make a character whose existence is on the edge of impossibility. Or in yet other words, (I tend to have to repeat things in different words again and again and again because I can be bad with words somtimes.) make someone who's as farfethced as you can make him. However, those sorts of characters require a great deal of thought to put together and even more energy to work into the storyline successfully, so if you can't think of a niche for this character, you won't be able to write such a character into your story.

StupidSkaterGuy
04-07-2002, 12:20 PM
well i think u should put some stuff ppl wouldnt expect like one of the charecter be a major skater or biker or somethin, know?

Ayame
04-07-2002, 06:36 PM
For a strange character, I would have to say Feona and Didier.

Feona, is not human, but a different form of a human cross animal being. She is very unreliable and only cares about eating and getting new boyfriends. She is kind of a cross between that cat girl on Outlaw star and Reoko on Tenchi and (very unintentionally!!) a little like Baby spice on the spice girls. (actually I don't really like the band but one of my friends says Feona acts like her every so often). She doesn't really care about the mission and hates everyone in the story who isn't cute.

Didier is a little child who is a scientific genious. She is very different from the other characters in that she relies on Kael (her robot) while fighting. She also thinks women are weak and useless creatures who always need men to take care of them. Even though she herself is a girl. Her wish to become a boy or just prove that she is a boy is what causes her to go along.

Those two are the strange characters.

On a samuri, I have a girl named Erin (she is a reincarnated goddess who is the guardian of Cosma(the best loved goddess)). She comes from a culture from the town of Dima. Her religious beliefs are that through life long training and work, one will become enlightened. More or less, the people of this continental religion try to join every single war that goes on in the world, even if they don't believe in their causes. She wields a samuri like sword and dresses like a ninja in a way, I guess.

Ayame
04-07-2002, 06:47 PM
Alright. This is the first 10 pages of my story. I want you to tell me what you think. Remember all names in this story are only for identification until I come up with better names.

-no title yet-


(Two people, traveling under a blanket of white, moving onward. They continue to climb a hill, one walking while the other on horseback. Coming to the top of the hill, the snow clears revealing a valley.)

Hiro: Rose wake up. Weíve made it.

(Waking from a heavy sleep, the young girl stirs.)

Rose: Have we arrived?
Hiro: Yes. Weíve finally made it.

(Turning to the valley.)

Hiro: Holden Valley.

(The sun gently rises revealing a town deep within the valley.)

(The two walk into town, searching for a stable to rest their horse. Walking the horse to the barn, they give him to the stable hand. They walk through the crowd toward a small bar. Upon entering, they head to the counter.)

Bar Tender: Would you like a drink?
Hiro: Ale, please.

(Music and laughter fill the room. Some are drinking, others are playing pool, and some are criticizing the singer onstage. The waiter returns from serving a customer with a golden coil bracelet on his tray. Hiro looks at the bracelet, a memory flash of a destroyed landscape an a symbol. Another man approaches.)

Man: Where did you get this? Tell me!
Waiter: Table three, that guy gave it as payment for his meal.

(Rose and Hiro look at the table. A small person in a brown cape and hood sat finishing his meal. Even though he was eating, his face was not visible. Turning to Hiro.)
Rose: Do you think itís one of themÖone of those monsters?
Hiro: I donít know but if it is, weíll soon find out. (Pointing to the two approaching the table.)

(As they come closer the being stops eating. The man sits next to him while the other sits on the opposite side.)

1st Man: (whisper) We know what you are.

(The being stirs as if to get up.)

2nd Man: Not so fast
1st Man: We wouldnít want to make a mess. (Pulling out his dagger)

(The being motions.)

1st Man: Then shall we?

(As the man stands, the piano on the other side of the room lets out a large bang as the singer falls into it. The man turns to look giving the being enough time to push the man out of the way, grab the bracelet off the table and head out the door.) (As the being runs the wind pushes the hood back revealing the face of a young girl.)

Lena: Ayah!! //Hi! My nameís Lena. If you havenít guessed already// noise of several money pouches //Iím a thief. Actually my ancestors were warriors, that I know for certain. Strange how they were reduced to pick pocketing and stealing. Well, lifeís not that bad. Hey, at least I havenít got caught.//

At that moment, the bartender appears in front of her and grabs her.
Bar Tender: You little thief, how dar you tryíen steal a meal on my watch. (Tightening his grip) Iíll make you pay.

He raises his hand to punch when he is knocked down from behind. Lenexa looks up to see a boy behind him.
Tyo: Come on Lena, letís get outta here.
Lena: //Oh, this is Tyo. Heís an orphan, just like me. Weíve been together, forever. He sees the future of events and I use them to get us money. A perfect friendship. We depend on each other almost as if we were family. But Iím older, so I come up with the schemes.//

The two continue running until they reach an inn and enter. Acting calm, they walk to their rooms and quickly close the door.

Tyo: So, how much did ya get. It sounds like a lot.

The boy shakes a bag making it clear he is blind.
Lena: Well, lets see. (Empties the bags and begins counting) One, ten, twenty, twenty-seven, (mumbling) Wow, 250 gin, that makes 750 total.
Tyo: Is that enough for a boat?
Lena: No, not yet. (sadly) The boat dealer said a boat costs well over 110,000 gin, but at least we have enough to get us a boat ticket.
Tyo: One ticket?! Howís that going to help us? We both have to go and I know they're in a place that tourist boats donít go.
Lena: I just though we could tryíen find a place with lower ship prices.
Tyo: Lena, weíve been all over this country and this town has the cheapest boats.
Lena: Well, we could go to Golden Isle and then rob them blind. (jumping off the chair) I mean, where else to get good money but a casino town.
Tyo: Lena, we canít rob a huge place like that. We barely get away with robbing restaurants. Weíll be wanted felons.
Lena: But donít you yearn for the adventure of a lifetime. Weíll be famous.
Tyo: No, weíll be wanted, hunted, dead.
Lena: (agitated) Well, what do you want to do, continue to rob small restaurants? Every time we rob one, we have to run and at this rate weíll have the money inÖnever!! Our parents will never recognize us if theyíre dead!

(Tyo becomes very upset)

Lena: Oh, Iím sorry. I didnít mean to hurt your feelings.
Tyo: Itís ok. Iím not crying.
Lena: Alright, Iíll pay the 100 gin for the room and you get something to eat. (Lena leaves.)

(Tyo grabs a handful of coins and puts them in his pouch.)

Tyo: I just know we have to stay in this town a little longer.

(Outside. Lena heads to the counter and gives the innkeeper the money. She walks out and looks down at her daggers. They were poorly mended and looked as if they were very dull.

Lena: Maybe Iíll buy some new weapons.

(Lena heads toward a store. Entering, with her hood drawn down, she approaches the counter. Looking at the merchandise, she looks at the expensive prices. At this time, Rose and Hiro enter and watch Lena. Lena gazes over a beautifully crafted dagger set.

Store Keeper: Ah! That is one of our finest models. Crafted entirely out of sturdy white platinum and a bargain at only 32,000 gin.
Lena: Do you have anything crafted from diamond iron?
Store Keeper: Give me a moment.

(The storekeeper leaves toward the back while she slipped the daggers under her robe. He came back with a very expensive short sword.)

Store Keeper: Is this to your liking?
Lena: No, Iíve changed my mind, but I love this full leather case, it has a rather earthy feel.
Store Keeper: Well that only cost 150 gin. (Slightly disappointed)
Lena: And this staff, itís just so wonderful. (She slips a beautiful case into her robe)
Store Keeper: It is a fine model, but itís only 32 gin. (Even more disappointed)
Lena: I believe Iíll take it. (Hands several coins to the storekeeper, in so grabbing another staff that looks very well made and expensive)

(Hiro and Rose watch her very carefully and when she leaves, they follow her. Lena becomes aware of being followed. She starts to jog and cuts down an alley. Hiro enters and doesnít see anyone. He hurries down the alley when the camera rests on Lena standing on a window. She jumps down and comes face to face with Rose. Lena turns and Hiro is right behind her.)

Lena: Oh, hi. Were you going to buy this? Or are you officers or, //stuttering// maybe bounty hunters? I donít have any bounty on my head but if you want we can haggle for the items I have?

(Rose draws and puts it up to Lenaís neck area.)

Rose: Take your gloves off, nice and slowly.

(Lena takes off her gloves and drops them on the ground, only exposing the top of her hands.)

Rose: Turn them over.

(Lena grows nervous, she slowly turns over her hands revealing two symbols on her hands.)

Rose: Sheís one of them!!

(Rose swings her sword. Lena dodges it but her robe becomes caught. Lena slips out and takes off. She runs along the alley until she spots Tyo.)

Lena: Tyo!

(Tyo turns at the sound of her voice and she grabs him and hands him the staff.)

Lena: I got this for you, but we have to get out of here!
Tyo: Did you get caught stealing it?
Lena: No, but I ran into some people who want to kill me. //But how did they know about my hands? I never shown them to anyone and what did they mean by Iím one of Them?//

(They run until Rose heads them off on a horse. Hiro comes from behind and grabs Lena by her hair.)

Lena: Ow. Let go!! I donít know why youíre after me but lay off my hair!!

(Tyo stumbles for his staff in an effort to fight back.)

Tyo: Lena, who are they?

(Rose pulls her blade and starts to place it near Tyoís neck.)

Lena: Tyo!!

(Tyo grabs Roseís arm and takes the sword. He backs up, blindly waving the sword at an invisible enemy.)

Tyo: Let her go!
Rose: Why do you protect a demon? We wish to offer you freedom from your servitude. Why do you refuse it?
Tyo: Lenaís not a demon. Sheís my friend.
Rose: (To Hiro) She must have complete control over him. It can only be broken with her death.

(Lena pulls her dagger from her case and tries to cut Hiroís hand. Instead, she cuts her hair out of his grasp.)

Lena: (backing up) Look what you did to my hair! (To Tyo) Your staff is right behind your left foot.

(Tyo reaches down and grabs the staff.)

Tyo: (To Lena) Are you okay?
Lena: Fine, besides that now I need a new hairstyle.
Rose: You canít get away, weíll catch you and kill you just as you did them.
Lena: Who?! I have no idea who the heck you are talking about or why your attacking me or even who you think I am. I know I have never hurt anyone, I havenít done anything to you people and you just messed up my hair!!
Rose: Donít lie.
Lena: But Iím not lying!

(Tyo remains silent as he approaches Rose.)

Lena: What are you doing?
Tyo: I want to know who they are.

(Tyo touches Roses head. Tyo sees flashes of fire, death, young Rose and an evil face.)

Tyo: Lena. Theyíre on a journey. They want to find your race also, no, an evil one who is with your race.

(Rose has tears rolling down her face.)

Tyo: Maybe we can help you.
Hiro: Rose?
Rose: Hiro, heís not under evil. He knows she is not one of the monsters.

(They all lower their weapons.)

Lena: What about my hair?!

(Later, the group is siting around at an inn.)

Hiro: So, youíre looking for your families and all you have to go on are a blind boyís ďvisions?Ē
Lena: Yeah. Something wrong with that?
Hiro: No, just asking.
Lena: What about you guys? Whatís your angle?
Rose: Weíre on a search for a monster that invaded our village and enslaved it. They all we taken to be sacrificed to the monster. Hiro and I hid in the forest until they all left.
Lena: (sadly) Iím sorry.
Rose: (scornfully) You should be!

(Lena draws back to herself.)

Tyo: Come on Rose, itís not Lenaís fault it happened.
Hiro: Lets get some rest. We have a lot of traveling to do tomorrow.
Lena: So, whatís the plan?
Hiro: Well, we donít know much about the monsters, so once you are seeking info about them as well, we will work together. Once separate our parties have uncovered little.
Rose: You need a boat to reach Vile Island and we have one. However, the island moves and no one knows where it will be next. Once you, (pointing) see visions of the island, you might be able to find the location.
Hiro: We believe there is an entire civilization there, made up of beings like yourself. It may give us the clues to obtain our objectives.
Tyo: Well, we better get some sleep before morning.

(The group leaves town, Tyo and Lena are on a horse together while Rose and Hiro ride on their horse. Lena turns to Rose and Hiro.)

Lena: Why donít you guys have a buggy?
Rose: (looking over at Lena)
Lena: I mean, you are old enough to have one, right?
Rose: We canít afford one yet, besides, (pets the horse) he was my motherís.

(They continue on. It is still snowing.)

Lena: So, how do you make money?
Rose: Sometimes we work as bounty hunters, other times we stay in touch with our friend.
Lena: Who?
Rose: Our friend? His name is Fazz. He owns a business in Golden Isle. We met him soon after our parents died. He helped us out and sometimes loans us money. In return, we do him favors such as being bodyguards for clients and what not.
Lena: So where is this boat of yours?
Rose: Itís actually Fazzís. We just borrow it from time to time.
Lena: So weíre going to Golden Isle. //Well, if these guys turn on us at least we might be able to steal their boat and some money.//

(They approach a large gate.)

Lena: Finally, Afton Gate. Strange, it seems larger each time I see it.

(Two guards come into view.)

Guard 1: Iím sorry but no one is allowed to pass.
Lena: What?! After we came all this way! Well, whatís going on?
Guard 1: There is a rebellion going on and the gates have been temporarily closed down.
Rose: But we have urgent business in Golden Isle andÖ
Guard 2: Sorry, but no one passes through this gate. Leave or we will be forced to arrest you.
Lena: Dirty (muffle, muffle).

(The group step away from the gate.)

Hiro: The quickest way besides the gate would mean going through Colton. Its about five miles from here near the Afton reactor.
Rose: Weíve got to be careful. Reactors cause mutations in the mind and body. The townís people are probably hideous and mad.
Hiro: The only other ways are to go completely around the mountain range, which will take four months.
Lena: Now way!
Hiro: Or over the mountains, which span an elevation of 16,000 feet.
Tyo: I think we should take the village, we wonít be there long enough to go crazy and Lena and me know some people there.
Lena: Yeah. Weíve traveled past the Afton area about three years ago.
Hiro: Then weíre goin to Colton.
Rose: Right.

(The group moves out toward the town. They eventually make it to the town. It is filled with demi-humans and mutants. Workers from the mines are returning from a long dayís work. Children are playing in the dirt streets. The houses are very shabby. A rusty buggy sits in the front section of the town. As they approach one child yells.)

Child: Hey, its Wena an Treeo! Theyn come bake!

(A lady wearing an apron comes out of one of the houses. She opens her arms as Lena runs and hugs her.)

Lena: Itís been a long time hasnít it. Itís good to see ya Aunt Abbie.
Abbie: Lena, where have you been? Iíve been so worried that something happened to you. Well, no need to worry now. Why donít you and your friends come in for a bite and a nap, you must be exhausted.

(Tyo, who is normally helped off the horse by Lena, falls off.)

Abbie: See. Tyo is already falling head over heals to get in at some of my home cooking.
Lena: Thanks, auntie but we were only passing through.

(Tyo is stumbling up.)

Lena: We need to use the cave to get on the other side of the mountain.
Abbie: Well, at least eat something before you go. The cave is quite dangerous and itís unsafe to travel on an empty stomach.

(They tie up their horses and head inside. The house is very well kept, with curtains and other such knickknacks.)

Lena: Wow! I sure like what you done to the place.
Tyo: (Running into a table) Youíve moved things around.

(Abbie starts picking up some dishes.)

Abbie: I wasnít expecting company.

(Rose and Lena move in to help with the dishes. Tyo uses his staff to map out the room.)

Abbie: So what business do you have on the other side?
Lena: Weíve finally found a boat but itís at Golden Isle.
Abbie: Truly? Well, be careful. The sea has been known to trick the most experienced sailors.
Rose: Donít worry. Hiro and me have traveled the seas for most our lives. Weíll be careful.
Abbie: Well thatís a relief. (To Lena and Tyo) So, what have you two been up to?
Lena:(eating) Weíve been traveling a lot. Been to about fifteen different cities.
Abbie: Well, you two have been all over Auron havenít you?
Tyo: Yeah, weíve made 750 gin, but now itís down to 625gin.
Abbie: But at least youíve got a boat and now you can find your parents.

(Rose, Lena, and Hiro start picking up the dishes. Tyo tries to help but Abbie motions and talks.)

Abbie: Itís okay, dear. Iíll do it.

(After putting the dishes away.)

Hiro: Thank you for the meal, it was delicious.
Abbie: Oh, thank you young man. (To all) You all have a safe journey. (Abbieís tone becomes very serious) And Lena, remember that life has a place for everyone, donít forget your place.

(Lena continues to watch Abbie as they get on the horses and leave. They move through town and finally come along the trail. Itís a large hole in the side of the mountain that leads into a large cave system.)

Lena: We have to be careful.
Rose: Stay together, (to Hiro) weíll walk the horses on through.

(The group, continue through. Rose slightly leaning to Hiro, while Tyo and Lena hold hands as to make sure they donít loose one another. They continue, Hiro holding the lamp he pulled from his saddlebag. A noise springs Rose closer to Hiro with a yelp.)

Rose: What was that?
Hiro: Probably a bat.

(They continue onward into the cave. After so longÖ)

Lena: We should be getting to the end pretty soon.
Rose: I sure hope so.

(There is a rustling from the far corner. Rose tries to act as if she doesnít notice. The noise gets louder.)

Rose: (whisper) Itís only a bat, only a bat.

(A large worm-like creature comes out.)

Lena: It ainít no bat!

(The horses get frightened and try to break free. Hiro tosses the reigns to Tyo.)

Hiro: Hey Tyo! Hold on to him for a while and get back.
Tyo: Right. (Pulling the horses away.)

(Rose has her sword drawn, as well as Hiro. Lena has her daggers our.)

Hiro: Lena, get out of here. Weíll handle this.
Lena: Yeah right! I ainít gonna let you two get killed! Tyo and me need that boat!
Rose: Just stay out of our way!

(Rose runs forward and stabs the worm in the side. They worm shrieks and throws her away. Hiro runs and helps Rose.)

Hiro: Are you alright?
Rose: Yeah.

(The worm heads straight for Hiro and Rose. Hiro raises his sword for protection.)

Lena: Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!!!

(Lena runs up the back of the worm, up to its head. It swings to knock her off. Lena stabs her dagger deep in its head. The worm continues to shake.)

Lena: Throw me your sword!

(Hiro throws the sword upward. Lena grabs it and jams it into the wormís head. The worm shrieks and falls over. Lena rolls off onto the ground. Lena stands up and dusts herself off.)

Lena: (yells) Hey Tyo! Come on back. Itís dead.

(Lena walks over and pulls her dagger out of the worm.)

Lena: Donít need my help. Ha!

(Hiro walks over and pulls his sword out while Rose gets the horse from Tyo. They walk around the worm and head out. As they do a small shadow appears behind the worm.)

Rose: (Deep breath) Finally, fresh air.
Lena: Sound like youíve never been in a cave before.

(Rose is irritated. Hiro and Lena take the horses to the water for a drink. Tyo washes his face in the water. Rose pulls out a rag and begins to wipe off the worm blood off her sword and clothes.)

Hiro: Maybe we should rest here for the evening.
Lena: Geez! At this rate weíll be at Golden Isle in two weeks.
Tyo: Iím kind of tired.
Lena: Oh, alright, but donít complain to me when we are walkin when we could be on that boat and gone by tomorrow.

(Rose and Hiro begin to set up camp.)

(Late that night, Tyo and Lena are out cold. Lena is snoring and talking in her sleep.)

Hiro: So what do you think? Can we truly trust her?
Rose: I donít know. Tyo is definitely innocent but I donít know if Lena will turn on us or not.
Hiro: She is one of them. How else could she kill that creature so easily.
Rose: I used most of my strength to break the skin but she went right through the bone.
Hiro: Well, weíd better get to sleep. Tomorrowís goin to be a long day.
Rose: Good night, Hiro.
Hiro: Good night.

(Morning. Rose, Hiro, and Lena are loading the horses. Tyo is sitting next to the water. Lena stops and looks at him. Hiro indicates to look at Lena and Tyo. Lena walks a little closer. Tyo shakes. Pictures of an island blood flowing off a dagger, Lena standing in the arms of someone. Tyoís eyes open.)

Lena: Did ya see it?

(Hiro and Rose become anxious to hear.)

Tyo: Itís close andÖ
Lena: And?
Tyo: We should be able to get to it.
Rose: You know where it is?
Tyo: Yes, but we have to hurry before it moves again.

(Lena grabs Tyoís staff and begins packing the rest up)

Lena: Well, what are ya waitin for?

Ayame
04-13-2002, 01:18 AM
Come on... What do you think?



:Sad: It's not THAT bad...is it?

I've had the first 10 pages posted and nobody replied.
Come on...At least tell me what you think...even is it is terrible, horrible, unbelievably stupid, and should be thrown in a garbage can and burned while rolling down a hill toward a mine field. Just give it to me straight... I won't hold it against you ;) promise.

victorchau05
04-13-2002, 09:35 PM
Hey, I like to write and draw too! I make my own personal anime-looking comics. I think it's cool there are so many other people with the same interests as me!
Let's see if I can help. Story is the most important thing. If it has beautiful drawings but poor story (cough FF VIII cough) then it's no good. And the story comes from the characters - their emotions, their interactions, their thoughts and ideas.
Make sure your characters are varied. I have to exaggerate the differences between my characters in the first few episodes to get them clearly defined to the reader. Later the personalities might begin to blend.
Also, think of where your characters come from. Be sure to tell about each character's history at some point in the story, in an interesting manner (don't have someone ask "What happened in your past?") Think of clever ways to incorporate the story elements.
The characters' history is important. It should define who they are today and how it affects their current position in life.
Don't focus on the good guys only. Make sure the bad guys get their share, too! Have the enemies win sometime so it's not always the good guys saving the day.
Finally, put in lots of twists and turns. Unexpected stuff. I don't see a problem with samurai, as long as it's not overused. I'm striving for a Japanese feel anyway.

Hope this helps!

Ayame
04-13-2002, 10:34 PM
I've tried my best to have as much emotion as possible. This is one of the main points in my story. The love between two teens who have been emotionally separated from the world since childhood and the love of two orphans who grow up to find they are both destined to fall in love. Didier has a lot of emotion in dealing with the way people react to her because of the enviroment she grew up in (a prison island). Erin (the ninja/samari like girl in my story) actually has a crush on Hiro, but cares more about her duties than her emotions. Well, they all have some sort of emotional bond that keeps their group together...at least for a while.

On location and past, I though about this one a lot while working on it. The main characters Hiro and Rose are from a town called Ashtyn on the continent of Adelle (the blood continent). Their past is made up of the Vile coming and sacraficing all of the villagers to their gods Akuji and Esben.

Lena is an orphan and has spent her entire life searching for them with her orphan friend Tyo. They have spent their entire lives searching all over the continent of Auron.

Didier is from a prison island where her father, who killed women, and her mother, who was a ratical tree hugger who planned and exacuted terrorist activity to large corperations all over the world, were kept and fell in love. Her mother, Edna (even though I really don't mention her mother's or father's name in the story) died while giving birth and her father, Bahari, blamed Didier until she turned 7, then he died in a shooting.

I didn't give much info on Feona's past in the story but in the profile I gave my friends before letting them read the story, talks about how her mother, Jovita, met her father, Dunixi, in a bar. They broke up but Feona's mother, she was a bit..., she met a man who ran a high operation at the las vagus-like island. So she was spoiled rotten and grew up to like getting dirty in fixing boats and other machinery, even though she isn't that great.

Electra is a genetically engineered teen who ended up with astonishing magic powers over electicity. She lives in the town of Eis on Ishtar. The entire town is run by others like her, but with no powers. More or less it is a town made entirely of prepy teenagers and if your not a prep, then they mock you and throw you in jail. (Most of my friends say that a natural disaster should eliminate this town because of this fact.)

Well, those are the main characters and their pasts. I also have the complete story of the gods and how the universe was formed placed into the story.

Do you think that is enough past info?

In the bad guy winning, the main bad guy Akuji (god of life and destruction) has been winning all his life! He has complete controll over the most powerfull race in the world, he has a side kick who is also a god, Esben. He also has a beautiful priestess, Athena, completely in love with him. He also succeeds in killing Rose and Hiro's families and kills Rose two times! He gets the power to controll the entire universe, which was at one point going to be the most powerful object in civilization. He also gets to torchure all the people of the world for three days and gets to go to heaven in the end!! I would say he kind of gets more than a bad guy deserves.

Thanks for the comments. If you haven't read the first 10 pages and give me some thoughts to make it better ;)

Koenma
04-13-2002, 11:36 PM
Well, here's my (failing) idea for an anime. Take any ideas you'd like, if wished.

An avergae 14 year old kid, a loner. He attends as a freshman at a high school. He is picked on, and is made fun of. He ignores it though. EVen so, he still wishes there was some way to get back at those popular's....

...One day, listening to some thrasher music, he is transended (sp?) into a whole new demension. A demon of what appears to be a devil of a sort had convinced the boy into giving him a form in which he could take on the world. Curious, the boy agreed, and loves his devilish new form. He is a tall, 8 foot beast. Green, sharp skin, he has a chainsaw hidden in his right arm which rips out through the palm of his hand any time he needs it in battle. Everything else of him is unexplainable. The creature's only demand is that he uses these powers to be rid of populars and those who look down on the loners. The boy agrees, but wonders if that's really ALL he wants...

..Unaware though, the most popular girl at the high school has been visited by a detah angel, and also has new powers...and so has her friends. Can the boy take on the populars and finally end discrimination? Or will populars rid the world of prejudice opinions forever...?"

That is it. I based it upon my own life. I havn't named any characters or anything. I doubt this'll even bee good, so if any of that sounds nice, feel free to take some ideas. Just give credit where credit is do, yesh?