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Prak
05-26-2005, 08:38 PM
All right, noobs. Listen up. I'm the ultimate Final Fantasy master and I'm here to show off my superiority. You will ask me any question you can think of (no matter how obscure or off the wall) relating to any Final Fantasy (game, movie, series, etc.) and I will answer them all. The answers you receive may forever change the way you look at the franchise. Remember: Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed.

Now post your questions so I may provide nonsensical answers to them and further inflate my already oversized ego.

The Ricky
05-26-2005, 08:40 PM
Are we sure Kuja really has a penis, or just a really manly labia.

Prak
05-26-2005, 08:53 PM
Are we sure Kuja really has a penis, or just a really manly labia.

No one knows for sure. The bulge you see isn't his genitalia at all, but his carefully concealed tail. He keeps it there mostly to make his privates look bigger and further his masculine image, but also because he enjoys the tickling sensation.

Chaos And Fist
05-26-2005, 09:07 PM
What exactly IS that Bugernheimen guy from FF7 and why doesn't he have any legs?

Prak
05-26-2005, 09:40 PM
Bugenwhatsit is actually Beavis, many years after the end of his tv show. For the story of how he lost his legs, there's an old yeti who runs a massage parlor in downtown Fruitopia who tells it far better than I could.

Side note: the circular thing he floats around on is powered by his inexhaustible flatulence.

hb smokey
05-26-2005, 10:07 PM
Is Final Fantasy VII the most overrated in the entire series?

Prak
05-26-2005, 10:12 PM
Considering that Final Fantasy VII is the only game in the series (with the possible exception of that Mystic Quest game, which many don't consider to be FF anyway) that people overrate even when they say it sucks, I must conclude that it is the most overrated.

Crub
05-27-2005, 12:00 AM
Whats the time zone in FF?

the guy watching you
05-27-2005, 11:30 AM
do monsters just pop out of the ground when they find you?

and...

why isnt my system of a down cd working?

hb smokey
05-27-2005, 11:35 AM
Keep the questions strictly Final Fantasy related.

the guy watching you
05-27-2005, 11:41 AM
do monsters just pop out of the ground when they find you?

MogKnight
05-27-2005, 01:43 PM
Why does Sephiroth look like a girly man... and why is it that tons of guys (you know, the Sephiroth2843 or ILoveSephiroth people) like to be him?

the guy watching you
05-27-2005, 02:51 PM
mogknight:

its becuz seph is a badass and is cool and they arent,so they wanna think they are him in a way

The Ricky
05-27-2005, 10:41 PM
And what about that Tidus guy, what medication should he get for his ADD?

Prak
05-28-2005, 09:13 AM
Whats the time zone in FF?

Sorta like the Twilight Zone, except it makes less sense.


do monsters just pop out of the ground when they find you?

No. They've been out in the open all along, but your characters are too fucking stupid to see them.


Why does Sephiroth look like a girly man... and why is it that tons of guys (you know, the Sephiroth2843 or ILoveSephiroth people) like to be him?

He looks like a fag because his character designer was a fag. People want to be like him because they're fags also.


And what about that Tidus guy, what medication should he get for his ADD?

Windex. It cures everything.

the guy watching you
05-28-2005, 01:08 PM
OMG THIS DUDE IS A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q:where do they hide their weapons when they arent fighting?

Prak
05-28-2005, 01:18 PM
where do they hide their weapons when they arent fighting?

They break down into useful everyday objects. For example, Cloud's buster sword can easily be reduced to a toothbrush, a frying pan, and a variety of pastries. Likewise, Yuna's staff is reduced to an assortment of feminine hygiene products. Sadly, she never figured out how to break it down.

the guy watching you
05-28-2005, 04:21 PM
why do so much people think ff7 is the best?

Prak
05-28-2005, 04:25 PM
why do so much people think ff7 is the best?

Can't answer that. I'm the Final Fantasy master, not the psychosis master.

Crub
05-28-2005, 04:55 PM
Something that has always bugged me was, why in the FF series, or most of them, do these "save points" always appear just next to where a boss is or like at the top of a mountain. I mean I could understand one being built in a city, but at the top of a mountain?!?! Also how does some shiny thing save their progress? Answer this and you truly are a master.

Prak
05-28-2005, 06:49 PM
Something that has always bugged me was, why in the FF series, or most of them, do these "save points" always appear just next to where a boss is or like at the top of a mountain. I mean I could understand one being built in a city, but at the top of a mountain?!?!

Bosses don't appear near them. Bosses are drawn to the so-called save points (which are really the FF equivalent of a bug zapper) by a high-pitched sound that is almost beyond the range of human perception. They come because the music of Slim Whitman drives them mad and they must destroy it.


Also how does some shiny thing save their progress? Answer this and you truly are a master.

It doesn't save their progress at all. However, the strange (i.e. horrific) sound waves emanating from the "save points" occasionally make God break down and cry. In the ensuing chaos, time is often reversed, reviving the dead and giving them another chance to succeed.

the guy watching you
05-29-2005, 01:19 AM
is evry1 in the final fantasy world a virgin

and...

is their such thing as "chocobo love"?

Dark_soilder
05-29-2005, 03:56 AM
how is it that your air ship dosent get high jacked by a group of thugs like when your out side junon or corel????????????

Prak
05-29-2005, 08:39 AM
is evry1 in the final fantasy world a virgin

The vast number of hentai sites on the interweb say no. By that logic, one has to wonder why none of the characters ever got prosecuted for the kinky things they've done with minors.


is their such thing as "chocobo love"?

No, just sex. Why do you keep asking questions like that anyway? Get your mind out of the gutter!


how is it that your air ship dosent get high jacked by a group of thugs like when your out side junon or corel????????????

Because the characters always leave Kevin behind. Oh, that little scamp. He always gets into so much trouble when he's home alone.

Landlord of Sector 7
05-29-2005, 01:35 PM
Who is the best FF character evar?

Prak
05-29-2005, 01:42 PM
Who is the best FF character evar?

Everyone knows the answer to this. It is obviously the guy in the boat in Alexandria near the beginning of FF9.

Landlord of Sector 7
05-29-2005, 01:46 PM
ok


what is the largest amount of different notes in a single ff song and which song is it?

Prak
05-29-2005, 01:47 PM
what is the largest amount of different notes in a single ff song and which song is it?

Many of them loop. Therefore, they are infinite and your question does not have a single answer. Nice try though.

the guy watching you
05-29-2005, 03:46 PM
is there any retards in final fantasy?

Prak
05-29-2005, 03:55 PM
is there any retards in final fantasy?

Computer-generated characters have no mentality, so retardation is impossible. Many players of the games, however, are quite retarded, especially the rabid fans of FFVII.

the guy watching you
05-29-2005, 04:03 PM
PRAK IS MY GOD!!!!!!!!!*bows down to his god*


why arent the chars charged of felonys whenever they kill the final boss or when they kill monsters?

A Meat Popsicle
05-29-2005, 04:05 PM
If you could skull fuck any one Final Fantasy character, which one would you skull fuck, and why?

Also, what method of skull fucking would occur?

Would the character in question be on their knees while you stood?

Would they lie down while you awkwardly bend over them?

Perhaps a bit of upside down skull fucking?

Second question.

If Kefka was a white supremacist, how would he go about stringing Barret up?

Prak
05-29-2005, 04:15 PM
why arent the chars charged of felonys whenever they kill the final boss or when they kill monsters?

Most players have more money than God at the end of the game, so the characters clearly bribe the appropriate officials. It is the first step a hero takes along the road to becoming the next major villain.


If you could skull fuck any one Final Fantasy character, which one would you skull fuck, and why?

Aeris, cause already dead as a doornail. Less work for me.


Also, what method of skull fucking would occur?

In. Out. It's a very simple procedure, really.


Would the character in question be on their knees while you stood?

I doubt it.


Would they lie down while you awkwardly bend over them?

No. I don't think my back could take it.


Perhaps a bit of upside down skull fucking?

Yes pls.


Second question.

If Kefka was a white supremacist, how would he go about stringing Barret up?

Oh my. You are quite the sick fuck, aren't you? But I might as well...

Kefka would obviously remove his less vital organs, tear them into strips and make a rope out of them, then string him up before he dies.

the guy watching you
05-29-2005, 10:50 PM
why are the parents of the chars usually dead?did they all join a sucide cult and died?

Dark_soilder
05-30-2005, 02:32 AM
how come if you are the hero of the game you are alowed to mug kill and attack innocent people if you are the good guy i mean some peolpe may like the way they live with mako reactors and such

also when it gets to tough for the ff characters do they go to the honey bee inn,don corneos mansion or to the pub to unwind????

Prak
05-30-2005, 02:10 PM
why are the parents of the chars usually dead?did they all join a sucide cult and died?

Lazy writers recycling cheap plot devices. np


how come if you are the hero of the game you are alowed to mug kill and attack innocent people if you are the good guy i mean some peolpe may like the way they live with mako reactors and such

Heroes are nothing more than villains in training. Everyone knows that.


also when it gets to tough for the ff characters do they go to the honey bee inn,don corneos mansion or to the pub to unwind????

Get your mind out of the gutter. Everyone knows the preferred method of entertainment in Final Fantasy is the arcade. There's nothing like a good game of whack-a-chocobo or Street Summoner II Alpha.


These questions suck.

Chaos And Fist
05-30-2005, 07:45 PM
Why in the world do random monsters wander around with Gil and wepons/items?

Why doesn't anyone bleed?

Come of it, what exactly does "Gil" look like? Why's it called "Gil"

Why haven't the people of FFX devoloped nukes and lanched an all-out assault on Sin?

Do those people at the very least get the irony in the name "Sin?"

Aerith Gainsborough
05-31-2005, 06:08 AM
Buahaha...Prak you are great. A true genius!!! :cool:

Gast
05-31-2005, 06:38 AM
1. Why does Jenova always throw bits of itself at you when you fight it?
2. Why do enemies (eg. blobs of goo) have money?
3. How does the members of your team keep their money when you hae like 4,553,924,924 gil?
4. Why are the majority of main characters in the FF games mainly wierdos/loners?
5. How does T-Rexaur hide in the Balamb forests when he is blatently taller than the trees?
6. Why are the main characters like taller than the buildings on the world map, but when you enter the town they are normal size?
7. Why the hell is the inn in Wutai called the Turtle Paradise? What type of paradise can it be with a turtle???
8. Why does Barret have a weapon called Cannonball when he doesnt shoot it, he just hits them with it?
9. And why does he have a weapon called Atomic Scissors? Is he going to cut the enemies' hair or something?
10. What hair gel does Cloud use to keep his hair like that?
11. What else does Quistis use her whip for?
12. And why is she the King of cards?
14. Why was there a porn mag lying in the hallway of Timber Maniacs?
15. Why was Zell allowed to stay at Balamb Garden with a massive tattoo across his face?
16. Why is Squall so sad he NAMED his necklace/ring lion thing?
17. How comes Zidane has a tail?
18. Why has Eiko got her **** showing?
19. What idiot screwed up the translating of Aeris/Aerith?
20. Finally, why are there so many CRAP sites dedicated to FF series?

Have fun. :-P

Pos
05-31-2005, 06:45 AM
One from me.

How do the manage to hide the weapons when not using them?

As the buster sword is not someting you can just stick down your trousers for safe keeping!

Squiggly
05-31-2005, 07:19 AM
What do monsters do during the time that passes when idiot gamers decide their move in FFX?
How come a whole bloody army of Al Bhed and their giant cannons and all the chocobo knights are weaker than a single summoner and a ragtag crew of guardians.
What do the party members that are not in battle do while their comrades fight?

Gast
05-31-2005, 07:53 AM
One from me.

How do the manage to hide the weapons when not using them?

As the buster sword is not someting you can just stick down your trousers for safe keeping!

That was answered before:


They break down into useful everyday objects. For example, Cloud's buster sword can easily be reduced to a toothbrush, a frying pan, and a variety of pastries. Likewise, Yuna's staff is reduced to an assortment of feminine hygiene products. Sadly, she never figured out how to break it down.

the guy watching you
05-31-2005, 10:51 PM
do any of the chars believe in god?...

do STDS exist?

and if so who has some?

Kemtach2999
06-02-2005, 10:50 AM
Why do your characters dissapear when you call a summon in FF7?

Milf_Man
06-02-2005, 10:56 AM
what is setheroth parents name's he's moms and dads. Ha ha ha ha, i am the true master that is all i play besides halo and halo2. I will give u a hint his dad was in the army.

Prak
06-02-2005, 05:56 PM
Why in the world do random monsters wander around with Gil and wepons/items?

Because every time someone loses the game, the monster that ate them gets gil and items stuck in its teeth.


Why doesn't anyone bleed?

They do, you silly person.


Come of it, what exactly does "Gil" look like?

Rice.


Why's it called "Gil"

The same reason that shoes are called shoes. Someone named it that.


Why haven't the people of FFX devoloped nukes and lanched an all-out assault on Sin?

Because splitting pixels doesn't unleash nearly as much energy as splitting atoms.


Do those people at the very least get the irony in the name "Sin?"

Considering that they named it, I'd wager that the answer is yes.


1. Why does Jenova always throw bits of itself at you when you fight it?

Making the most of Leprosy.


2. Why do enemies (eg. blobs of goo) have money?

Already answered.


3. How does the members of your team keep their money when you hae like 4,553,924,924 gil?

As previously mentioned, Gil is nothing more than rice. The characters eat it to store it. Of course, that makes spending it more than a little gross.


4. Why are the majority of main characters in the FF games mainly wierdos/loners?

In order to relate to the players, of course.


5. How does T-Rexaur hide in the Balamb forests when he is blatently taller than the trees?

Already answered. Sorta.


6. Why are the main characters like taller than the buildings on the world map, but when you enter the town they are normal size?

FF worlds come with a convenient travel-size feature that lets characters shrink their environment to cross it more easily. Some of the newer models are also equipped with OnStar.


7. Why the hell is the inn in Wutai called the Turtle Paradise? What type of paradise can it be with a turtle???

Ask a turtle.


8. Why does Barret have a weapon called Cannonball when he doesnt shoot it, he just hits them with it?

Well, a cannonball can't be fired without a cannon, so hitting someone with it is about the only option.


9. And why does he have a weapon called Atomic Scissors? Is he going to cut the enemies' hair or something?

Well, it worked for Bugs Bunny. ([Only registered and activated users can see links])


10. What hair gel does Cloud use to keep his hair like that?

It isn't hair. It's a strange plastic hat.


11. What else does Quistis use her whip for?

Well, that's obvious... jumping rope.

You were thinking it was something dirty, weren't you?


12. And why is she the King of cards?

Ask Sarah to explain it to you.


14. Why was there a porn mag lying in the hallway of Timber Maniacs?

Little Jimmy always misplaces his things. If you give it to his mother, I'm sure she'd be happy to return it to him.


15. Why was Zell allowed to stay at Balamb Garden with a massive tattoo across his face?

Cid drew it on him last time they played dress-up.


16. Why is Squall so sad he NAMED his necklace/ring lion thing?

So you think everyone who names an inanimate object is sad? That's really sad.


17. How comes Zidane has a tail?

Well, when two people love each other very much, they...


18. Why has Eiko got her **** showing?

**** = hair? Not many people cover that.


19. What idiot screwed up the translating of Aeris/Aerith?

Sylvester Stallone.


20. Finally, why are there so many CRAP sites dedicated to FF series?

Because there are so many CRAP fans of the FF series.


What do monsters do during the time that passes when idiot gamers decide their move in FFX?

Play Parcheesi.


How come a whole bloody army of Al Bhed and their giant cannons and all the chocobo knights are weaker than a single summoner and a ragtag crew of guardians.

That's what an army gets for attacking on April Fools Day, when half of them have Kick Me signs on their back, the chocobos have been fed Ex-Lax, and the cannonballs have been replaced with kumquats.


What do the party members that are not in battle do while their comrades fight?

Play Parcheesi with the monsters.


do any of the chars believe in god?...

No, they're all atheists. And they're all wrong, so they'll all be going to hell, while the religious villains laugh at them from heaven.


do STDS exist?

yes


and if so who has some?

The mother of every FF character had an STD for about 9 months. The condition always cures itself after that time.


Why do your characters dissapear when you call a summon in FF7?

Because they run away like little bitches. What you see fading is an after-image. If you look closely enough, you can sometimes see the trail of dust going over the horizon


what is setheroth parents name's he's moms and dads.

Oh my. A bit of muck found its way into your gene pool, I fear. I recommend that it be drained, scrubbed, sanitized, filled with cement, dug up, and dropped into the Pacific.


Ha ha ha ha, i am the true master that is all i play besides halo and halo2.

Congratulations on being the kind of stupid freak I'm making fun of.

the guy watching you
06-02-2005, 11:30 PM
why isnt any1 funny in any of the games?

where do evry1 get their names from?

why is it that whenever some1 gets a new armor or hat,they always look the same?

are their any drugs in the FF world

if so which ones?

The Ricky
06-03-2005, 06:36 PM
What was Lulu's summer job as a teenager? Did she have a job at Times Square, cuz that's a slutty outfit.

the guy watching you
06-04-2005, 09:58 PM
WHERE ARE ALL THE ANSWERS!!!!

hb smokey
06-04-2005, 10:00 PM
The answers will come. Prak can't stay online 24 hours a day.

Prak
06-05-2005, 09:15 AM
It's actually cause I'm starting to dread looking at this thread. The endless strings of questions by a single person really get old.


why isnt any1 funny in any of the games?

They're actually very funny, provided you only have 10 brain cells or are extremely drunk.


where do evry1 get their names from?

Ouija board.


why is it that whenever some1 gets a new armor or hat,they always look the same?

Due to the limited number of NPCs in the games and the proportion of fashion designers in any society, it's safe to say that there's only one per FF world. When you have a monopoly, there's no need to be especially creative.


are their any drugs in the FF world

Although the characters often seem like they're on drugs, the answer is no.


What was Lulu's summer job as a teenager? Did she have a job at Times Square, cuz that's a slutty outfit.

Sales clerk at Hot Topic.

Toastie!
06-07-2005, 03:54 AM
What happened to the Tiny Bronco and the Buggy?

Prak
06-07-2005, 05:16 PM
What happened to the Tiny Bronco and the Buggy?

They made love, gave birth to the mechanical equivalent of a penguin, split up, and fought for custody of the child until the buggy's engine blew.

Pos
06-07-2005, 05:53 PM
But what happened tot he tiny bronco?

Prak
06-07-2005, 06:32 PM
But what happened tot he tiny bronco?

Arrested for child molestation and sentenced to life in the scrap yard.

FF1WithAllThieves
06-07-2005, 09:00 PM
Why did Square bring back Garland in FFIX? For me, it completely ruined the scene when he destroyed Alexandria because I was laughing so hard.

Prak
06-07-2005, 09:06 PM
Why did Square bring back Garland in FFIX? For me, it completely ruined the scene when he destroyed Alexandria because I was laughing so hard.

I suppose you were merely an unfortunate victim of their little in-joke. You see, the people at Square heard of this silly person who played through FFI with nothing but thieves, so Garland was added as something of an homage to him.

FF1WithAllThieves
06-07-2005, 09:39 PM
*applause*
Absolutely brilliant, Prak.

I know that one of the summoned monsters says that "Titan is only a blockhead if you know the magic spell of float." Does this mean that once you learn float, Titan's head becomes cubical? Or is the transformation even more complete, causing him to turn into the antagonists from Gumby?

The Ricky
06-12-2005, 04:48 PM
What's the history of the Black Mage, and what do they look like under that robe.

Vala
06-15-2005, 04:18 AM
ok how did the series get its title?
and milf man ur totally wrong sephiroths father wasnt in the army he worked for shinra though he was scientist hojo... idiot