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YuffieKisaragi
06-16-2004, 10:31 AM
These are a few poems I have wrote within the past year.I wrote most of them during school when I got bored in class,and some I wrote to express my feelings better. Anyway tell me what you think of them.Thanks!


"Heart Felt"
You gave me your heart,
I gave you mine. We値l
always be together until
the end of time.

Just close your eyes, and
hold me tight, and I will
never leave your sight.

For our love is so true
and pure as can be, like
the stars that are shining
down on me.


"To My Lover"
I致e loved you since
the first time I laid
my eyes on you. You
was like an angel so
beautiful and pure.
Like nothing I致e
ever felt before.

We dated for a while
and had our fun. You
held me close and kissed
my lips, and made me
feel special like no other
has ever done.

We thought that we
would never part, but
that痴 when everything
fell apart. We had no
choice there was only
one thing to do. To say
that we were threw.

We never even got to
say goodbye, or hold
each other one last
time, but one day soon
we値l meet again and
hold onto each other
until the end.

"Time"
I look at you and
wonder why, I can't
be the one there
by your side.

You say you lover her,
and I know you do,
but still I wonder if
you have a clue.

I love you more than
you'll ever know, more
than anything I let it
show,but time will tell
if we're meant to be.
So,I'll just have to
wait and see.

"Waiting"
As I look into the sea,
I start thinking of you
and me.How you used
to hold me tight,and
kiss me gently every
night.

We'd be together everyday
never ever going astray.
Our love was stronger than
any that I've ever known,
it kept me alive,it kept me
strong.

Then one day you said
goodbye and never did tell
me why.You left me here
all alone,not knowing if
you'd ever come home.

Until this day I still wait
for you,waiting for the
love that I once knew.

"Wasting My Time"
Sometimes I wonder
if you really love me,
or are you just playing
me for a fool.

You make me wonder
night and day about
this question of which
I've tried to delay.

I can no longer keep
myself from asking,
do you love me or are
you like all the rest?

The one's who have
broke my heart,and
left me here all alone
in the dark.

So please,tell me the
truth,just tell me what
your heart is saying,
because I'm not wasting
my time on someone
who does not really
want to be mine!

mrmonkeyman
06-16-2004, 02:11 PM
You gave me your heart,
I gave you mine. We値l
always be together until
the end of time.
Never, ever, ever write again.

Top Cat
06-17-2004, 07:13 AM
It seems as if
you are writing in
prose, but using poetry
so you do not have to worry about things
like punctuation, or spelling, or length. You
could arrange each one of those poems
into a short section of prose. Quite
easily, in fact. Next time
try prose. It
makes it harder to suceed, but you seem to be
suited to it. Thank
you and goodbye.

Alpott
06-17-2004, 07:15 AM
I hate that poem.. :(

Cascara
06-17-2004, 07:40 AM
Pretty dry for the most part. I think that poem was written a couple of thousand times over. ;)

Alpott
06-20-2004, 11:00 PM
quote: You gave me your heart,
I gave you mine. We値l
always be together until
the end of time.

Wait, If they were swapping hearts, wouldnt they die in the process?

Ross
06-21-2004, 07:24 PM
That fucking sucked.....

AerisCeles
06-24-2004, 04:24 AM
...I think your poems are from your heart..but it looks like more prose than poetry..there is no rimes:( ...

zidane tribal
06-24-2004, 06:13 AM
Originally posted by mrmonkeyman

Never, ever, ever write again.

are you trying to kill me from laughing too hard??

that just made my day loll

heavens_final_samurai
07-08-2004, 07:49 PM
i think taht the first one is kinda unfinished. it is an ok start but if u can finish it strong than it will bea lot better. also just cut out that first part. that is used so much these days try to be more original than that.


You was like an angel so......
at least use proper english. you were like an angle. also make sure that your ryming words r on the end of the line. u also need to work on your ryming too.


You say you lover her, if i to have to say what is wrong with this sentence u have no business writing.

basically u just need to work on your poetry all together . but it ok dont get sad just work on it im sure that u will get better with practice